Monday, December 15, 2008
"Who I am is a marathon away from who I want to be". I recently revealed this to God. His reply was merely "then run that marathon Lauren". I have so many hopes and dreams planted in my heart by the God of the entire universe. There is something so freakishly cool about that and at the very same time it scares me to death. I find myself failing on a daily basis, I find myself striving on a daily basis. I don't want a wishy-washy faith. I want passion! I desire to have such a fearless passionate love for my God....yet it's my fears that keep me falling. I fear that complacency has crept it's hand up into my very soul, and in an unfathomably slow manner, has ripped out every ounce of strength and real passion I ever had. I have sold my soul to the rantings of my own sinful mind. It's not God that I doubt, it's the fact that God would want to use me, that keeps me awake at night. I want to live a life of wreck less abandonment. I want to care enough about what God thinks that I don't care about what humans think. I want to love the unloved, believe in the weak, and cheer for the losing team. I want to smile when the rain comes pouring down on my head, because my God is sovereign and will soon supply the sunshine. And when the sun shines and I feel the warmth on my face I will look to the heavens in utter amazement at the God that I serve and at the forgiveness he gives.